The Santaland Diaries by David Sedaris, adapted for stage by Joe Mantello

Show dates December 13, 14, 15, 20, 21, & 22


Black Mountain Center for the Arts

225 W State Street

Black Mountain, NC 28711

(828) 669-0930


Wednesday, October 9 from 6 to 8pm 

Saturday, October 12 from 10am -12pm


  • CRUMPET THE ELF - male, 18+, any ethnicity. An out-of-work writer in need of holiday cash who
    takes a job as an elf at Macy’s department store, Crumpet is equal parts jaded, charming, bitter and


Based on David Sedaris' popular holiday essay, The Santaland Diaries is a hilarious one-man play about
an out-of-work writer who becomes a Macy's elf during the holiday crunch. At first the job is simply
humiliating, but once the thousands of visitors start pouring through Santa's workshop, our guy, now
called Crumpet the Elf, becomes battle-weary and bitter. Finding consolation in the fact that some of
the other elves were television extras on One Life to Live, he grins and bears it, while only occasionally
taking out his frustrations on a few children and parents. The piece ends with yet another Santa being
ushered into the workshop - but this one is different from the lecherous, drunken ones with whom he
has had to work so far. This Santa actually seems to love the children who come to see him, startling our
hero into an uncharacteristic moment of goodwill, just before his employment runs out.

BMCAT artistic director Matt Lutz will direct the 70-minute one-act play.

Rehearsals begin Tuesday November 12th for production dates December 13-15 and 20-22.


• NOTE that all auditions are OPEN CALLS
• You may arrive at ANY TIME during the 2-hour audition window on EITHER DAY. If you
attend on Wednesday, please be aware that you MAY be asked to attend again on Saturday as
well, depending on a variety of factors.
• There will be scenes (sides) from the play for each character available in the waiting area. Please
arrive with enough time to sign-in, familiarize yourself with the play, be assigned a character(s) to
audition for, and prepare that particular scene(s).
• You do not need to prepare a monologue – but you MAY be asked to sing (if you are comfortable
with that, and if the show/role warrants).
• PLEASE bring an 8x10 headshot (with your name printed on the photo, if possible), and an
acting resume, if you have one.

For more information contact bmcatheatre@blackmountainarts.org or call 828-669-0930.


(828) 669-0930 / / Monday - Friday 10am - 5pm

225 W State St, Black Mountain, NC 28711, USA

©2019 by Black Mountain Center for the Arts.

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